Hi I'm Chuck Klosterman. Check me out, I'm nerdy, I'm understated, I live in New York but deep down I'm just a country boy from North Dakota. My parents are Republican!!! I've got my favorite rock group KISS, I've got Ace Frehley, I've got electric guitar, I'm so clever. I can beat 85% of the population at any kind of rock trivia. I don't really have luck with girls, but its cool becuase I can write about each of the four girls I've been in love with and compare each of them to one of the members of KISS. Did I explain why I like Kiss so much? It has something to do with being a nerd in North Dakota. My editor wears all black and hates me, she is part of the Interpol crowd, too much coke. I would rather get high and listen to Creedence and go to bed by nine.
Who wants to take a road trip? I'll show you how to freebase marijuana with the cigarrette lighter in my rental car. We can listen to Kid A a lot, its about 9/11. Whos in a bunker, whos in a bunker, women and children first obviously. Ice age coming, what happened to global warming? Come on George, guess how many people who bought my book voted for you. Less than 15%. Did I mention that I'm from a red state and my parents are republican? Lets find the crossroads where Robert Johnson sold his soul. Lets talk about Kurt Cobain, 85% of you didn't like him until after he died. Courtney did it, that slut. Now Frances Bean will have her revenge on Seattle. Dave Grohl is such a rockstar now, he always wanted to be Kurt. I'd rather be hosting a radio show in Astoria.
Did I mention how nerdy I am? ESPN pays me to write about sports. Thats 85% ironic and 15% retarded, me writing about sports. Esquire pays me to write about being a man. Rolling Stone doesn't pay me anything, I'm too cool. Its a good fallback if I ever get disgraced while I'm writing for the Villiage Voice. So hip. I compare Heart to Bright Lights, Big City. So Badass. I'm from North Dakota. Fargo Rock City. KISS facepaint. Happy Holloween. Quincy you're hot like Minnesota is cold. Lets rock.
By the way, if you want to know how it feels to be a dude, read my books.
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